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Filtering by Tag: lifestyle

Some books I have enjoyed in January

Sophie Lombardi

Hooray we got through January and little signs of spring are emerging everywhere. I thought I would share with you some of the books that I have particularly enjoyed reading. Short days are long nights offer the perfect opportunity to dive into a story, particularly if the setting is less muddy and provides a more interesting narrative to your current reality!

That Bone Setter Woman by Frances Quinn

This is literally a cracking historical novel about a girl who is desperate to become a bonesetter in Georgian London. Bonesetters were a form of early chiropractor who would set broken or dislocated bones. The characters are great and I particularly liked the feisty main protagonist Durie and her challenge to pursue what was considered to be a male only occupation. The way that Durie takes on the ranks of snotty London doctors is excellent.

Lucy By The Sea by Elizabeth Strout

I have to ration books written by Elizabeth Strout because i love her writing so much. She captures the human experience with such immaculate detail and perception. This particular book tells the story of Lucy, who flees New York during the pandemic to live on the coast in Maine. She ‘bubble’s up’ with her ex-husband William and the story looks in detail at the practices that became habit during the pandemic (which in hindsight seem utterly ridiculous and unimaginable). The narrative also follows the characters as they respond to the Black Lives Matter protests and the storming of the Capitol in 2021. This is a great book.

Breadsong by Kitty and Al Tait

This is a brilliant book about baking bread and recovery. Not only is it full of excellent recipes but it tells Kitty’s inspiring story. Aged 14, Kitty suffers from the most debilitating mental breakdown, with the help of her wonderful Dad Al, she slowly develops an interest in baking bread and starts to heal. Taking small steps, Kitty and her family establish a bakery in their local village, We have really enjoyed trying out the recipes which are brilliant (Miracle Dough, Foccacia, Bagels and Chelsea Buns) and learning about this courageous young women and her amazing family.

The Daiai Lama’s Cat by David Michie

I have only just started listening to this audio book but I have to tell you about it because it is a GIFT. Each chapter of the audio book looks at the teachings of Buddhism through the eyes of HOH (His Holiness’ Cat). As such, what would otherwise be quite a heavy subject becomes fun and more digestible. With buckets of self deprecating humour, the cat applies Buddhist teachings to her own experiences of over eating, jealousy, flirting and fur balls as well as giving us fascinating insights into life at the Dalai Lama’s residence.

Please tell me what you are reading so we can fill February with fun and interesting books. Enjoy the daffodils and listen out for the woodpecker.

Love

Sophie x

Rage, guilt, shame and other Coronactivities

Sophie Lombardi

The reason I haven’t written many posts recently is because I feels callous to write about anything other than Armaggedon. Musings on my rather privileged and boring lock-down seem in bad taste, given the current state of the world and the fact that lots of people are having a really awful time. Even though psychologists and great thinkers suggest that we retreat into our smaller interior worlds to help us cope with waves of bad news, I still feel guilty about scrolling through Kardashian lock-down fashion and fixating on peoples’ interior design choices at Zoom meetings. There is a sense amoungst us that we shouldn’t be enjoying life when there are big bad serious things happening.

Guilt and Shame are big power players in the pandemic. On a day to day basis I can generally identify about 6 things that I am ashamed of including: being able to work, sitting on a park bench for 5 minutes, not spending time with my children, scoring ‘appallingly’ in an imaginary Ofsted inspection of home school, not volunteering for the NHS and being fit and healthy. These are the main ones, but I haven’t even touched the shame of slightly fancying the Chancellor Rishi and looking up his personal details on Wikipedia, during his delivery of the ‘daily update of doom’ at Number 10.

During lock-down, we are not only harder on ourselves but everyone around us, casting judgement and scoring people for their ability to social distance. Every time I get back from the supermarket, I get corona-rage about my ‘two metre’ space being invaded and rant about how I am going to get a megaphone and disgrace people for not following the ‘very simple’ rules. Later, I invariably feel guilty for my corona-rage because you don’t know everyone’s situation and it’s not very nice to be so judgemental. From local reports of nasty notes on cars, blocking off public footpaths and vandalism, it would seem that the general public have also got massive corona-rage and feel that it is their duty to shame the public, judging them for their lock-down failures.

I was considering how I could look after my friends when they are going through a really hard time; I try to treat them gently, listen to them, take them chocolate and hold their hands. Given that lock-down is a very hard time (and much harder for others) it seems totally bizarre that we are treating ourselves and our fellow humans with such harshness. It’s natural to want to assign blame for this grim situation and since we can’t actually shout at the Coronavirus itself (well we can if you want), we tend to be angry with ourselves and others instead. Maybe if we could be a little more aware of this behaviour, we will feel a bit better. Similarly we need to remind ourselves that it’s absolutely ok to laugh at Jo Exotic home haircuts, have some nice times during lockdown and not so feel guilty about our own ‘perceived’ failures.

Go easy on yourselves,

Sophie xoxo

Bedding in Blue Grey Linen (on sale). Pillowcase and quilt in Liberty oF London print ‘Capel.’

Bedding in Blue Grey Linen (on sale). Pillowcase and quilt in Liberty oF London print ‘Capel.’

Insomnia : the all night rave that isn't fun

Sophie Lombardi

When I started to write this blog, I promised myself that I would only write about things that I am very familiar with and unfortunately insomnia is one of those things. Generally accompanied by its best friend Anxiety, insomnia usually sticks around for a couple of weeks, two or three times a year. Even though it’s appearance is relatively brief, this all night rave of worry and stress is all consuming and extremely debilitating. In this blog I thought I’d write about the things that help me get through these dark and lonely times and come out the other side feeling weary, but with a little more perspective. I’ll try not to regurgitate the same old tips on exercise and caffeine limits, but include some practical ideas that have helped me.

Get up , Get Out

No matter how little I may have slept, I try really hard to get up, make my bed and start the day. I find this helpful to try and reset my body clock and impose a routine on my sleep habits. If I really need to nap, I grab half an hour on the sofa, so that my bed is only associated with night time sleeping.

Run List for the day.

When I get up after a poor night’s sleep, I often feel rather hopeless and loosy-goosy about what I am going to do with the day. Anyone who has suffered from anxiety will know how hard it can be to make decisions. In order to reduce night time worry and avoid the ‘how the hell am I going to get through the day?’ feelings, I compose a ‘run list’ the night before. The ‘run list’ is very basic and includes little chores like dropping off the boys, walking the dog, work and also nice things such as reading a few chapters of a good book and having a bath. At the end of the day, I tick these off the run list, which makes me feel like that I am bossing it, in spite of the unwelcome anxiety and insomnia raving in my head.

Sleep Apps

Using sleep apps obsessively is counter productive in terms of giving too much time and energy over to ‘fixing a problem’ that can ultimately only fix itself. However, I do find sleep tracking technology quite useful with limited use (Sleepio). By looking at the quality, duration and time span of my sleep problems, I can see that my insomnia isn’t as drastic as I thought it might have been. It is clearly evident that my sleep goes through cycles and that I have made an excellent comeback from periods of insomnia. This helps me to challenge the irrational thoughts that scream ‘you will never, ever sleep again’ very rudely and loudly at 3 in the morning.

Meditation

In Russian, they don't say "I can't sleep." They say: "It isn't sleeping to me”. I really like this idea of not trying to sleep, but waiting for sleep to arrive. In order to welcome the elusive sleep, I use meditation to put myself in the most relaxed and calm position possible. I have to admit that I find quite a lot of meditation, in particular visualization, quite challenging. When I’m feeling anxious and wobbly, I find body scans and breathing meditations more accessible (Calm). In order to use meditation effectively at night, I try to practice once or twice during the day and attempt keep these sessions quite succinct, so that I don’t drift off to the ‘worry party’.

Insomnia can be really miserable and tricks you into thinking that it will never go away, but IT DOES. Rather like committing to a mantra, sometimes I find it helpful to write this down and repeat it often. Sleeplessness tends to ease once I have accepted its presence and worked out how I am going to manage it without being too controlling and obesessive. I don’t doubt that there are millions of others at this all night anxiety rave, and if you’re one of those party go-ers, please know that you have a friend (I’ll bring the vodka, you bring the whistles).

Sophie xxxx

Brighten up the insomnia party with new bedding in Liberty of London’s Felicite

Brighten up the insomnia party with new bedding in Liberty of London’s Felicite

Dog Person : My love affair with a rogue spaniel

Sophie Lombardi

I wasn’t always a dog person. My eyes would inwardly roll when folks would swoon over their new doggie friends, sometimes even referring to themselves as the pooch’s Mama and Papa. Don’t get me wrong I liked dogs, but I couldn’t understand how and why they made their owners gush with babbling baby talk and impose their boring doggy requirements of walking, pooping and training on the already strained lives of busy families. Then in trotted Dotty, the naughtiest spaniel in the world and I completely changed my mind.

My Mum recently asked me why I liked the dog so much, to which I responded '‘because she’s so nice”. There is no rudeness, door slamming, passive aggression or tantrums; just a waggy tail and a willingness to please. She makes me get out and enjoy beautiful parts of the Cornish coast, providing much needed breathing space in the middle of my busy day. A GP and a psychiatrist have both independently told me that they wish that they could prescribe ‘dog’ to their patients. Not only do they impose routine and exercise on their owners but provide company to those amongst us who feel afraid and alone. I have to say that I have never felt lonely with the silky spaniel at my feet and those big doe eyed stares are the perfect antidote to stroppy teenagers and tax returns..

Of course doggy ownership is not without its challenges. The puppy phase nearly killed us and bad Dotty was sent off to boot camp/Borstal for 4 weeks intensive ‘correction’ (she only just graduated!). She destroyed the builders shoes, dug a hole in the sofa and would run away for hours, living it up chasing cats and raiding bins. Honestly there were so many times when I thought to myself that she would have to go.

Dotty has now given up being a badass, although she’s still partial to a sock and enjoys stealing sandwiches from toddlers as pastime. I am glad we persevered and can’t ever see myself without a canine friend for company; I guess that makes me a dog person after all.

Sophie xxx

PS. I really enjoyed ‘Everyone died so I got a dog’ by Emily Dean and ‘Lost Dog’ by Kate Spicer. In both of these brilliant memoirs ‘the dog’ is the steady, grounding and important element of the authors lives.

Spaniel (currently not for sale) Cushions in Liberty of London print Betsy and Capel.

Spaniel (currently not for sale) Cushions in Liberty of London print Betsy and Capel.

What are you reading this summer ?

Sophie Lombardi

I am an emphatic reader. In fact I would go so far as to say that I am not happy unless there is a good book by my bed. Fiction is a wonderful escape and respite from reality and getting stuck into someone else's story gives me new perspective on my own. Matt Haig puts it perfectly in his latest book Notes On Nervous Planet.

Reading isn't important because it helps you get a job. It's important because it gives you room to exist beyond the reality you're given. How minds connect. Dreams. Empathy. Understanding. Escape. 

Summer books often imply suncream stained Jackie Collins' novels. Whilst I am very partial to a little Rupert Campbell Black, these are my top 5 reads for the sunshine. Take with Mr Whippy and icy cold beers. 

Velvet and tropical print cushions available here. 

Velvet and tropical print cushions available here. 

Bonjour Tristesse by Francois Sagan. When I read this I felt like I was having a long languid siesta in the South of France.  Totally French and absolutely immoral, you'll feel the scorch at the heart of this story.  

Heartburn by Norah Ephron. Protagonist Rachel feels like your best friend and who better to take on holiday?  She's wonderfully witty and acerbic, you'll have a great time together. 

The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald.  Scandal and wild summer parties doing the Charleston in Jay Gatsby's mansion? Yes please.  Make mine a Long Island Ice Tea. 

Instructions For A Heatwave by Maggie O'Farrell. The tension amongst this dysfunctional family will make you feel so much better about your travelling group. It's also a lovely tangled tale of family relationships.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. An excellent travelling companion. David Sedaris will charm your socks off with his outrageously funny stories of family and living in France. 

I'm sure that you have got many books that I could add to my list. I'd love to know your suggestions. 

Love

Sophie xx

Velvet and tropical print cushions available here. 

Velvet and tropical print cushions available here

10 years on... advice I would give my younger Mummy self

Sophie Lombardi

Mr. P and I celebrated 10 years of parenthood last weekend. We've been chatting about the ups and downs and having a chuckle about the nutty stuff we did. If I was able to steal MJ Fox's time-machine and go back to 2007, these are some of the things I would tell my rookie parent self...

Choose your girl gang carefully

I felt a huge pressure to socialise my children regularly. If I wasn't attending playgroups. gymbaroo (?) or god awful singing in the library, my kids were definitely going to be sociopaths or psychopaths right? Subsequently I ended up hanging with some quite judgy women and through the fog of tiredness/PND and trying to navigate my way through the early years,  I didn't recognise that this wasn't a supportive or healthy place for me and the sprogs. Thankfully, I had a couple of amazing queens on my side. They always lifted my spirits and didn't give a monkeys if you bribed the kids into the bath with jelly babies. 

Always chose fun

I missed out on seeing the late George Michael sing Wake me Up Before you Go Go because I had to do the night feed. There is so much boring shit that you have to do as a parent. The housework is endless. Given another chance, unless the house was about to be condemned a slum,  I would  ditch the dishes in favour of drinks with the girl gang and give the babe a bottle so that I could shimmy on down to Club Tropicana with George. 

Mummy -  tummy? Whatever.

It is a bloody shock to see your post pregnancy stomach. I can liken it to the dimply party pasty available in our Cornish bakery. Tip to former self- don't look at it. There are so many more important things to do (like have fun) and you are so much more than a wobbly tum. 

Stop analysing the elusive 'bond'

I bought into the idea that I had to feel an automatic, unstoppable, all-consuming connection with my babies as soon as they were born. Subsequently I spent such a long time looking for this and became more and more anxious that it just wasn't there. Given the opportunity, I'd definitely tell my former self to take a step back, be patient and watch the relationship blossom over time.  My big kid was recently very poorly, we spent the whole time together watching telly and having fizzy drinks. There is no doubt in my mind that we go together like a good gin and tonic. 

There is suffering in parenting

An SAS soldier recently told me that sleep deprivation was the WORST part of his interrogation training (am not sure that included water boarding). Being kept awake by a baby for years is torture and so is being told to F*** off by children that have been your life's work. The only book I read as a Mum was Buddhism for Mothers. I'm not buddhist but totally subscribe to the idea that as a parent you have to accept a level of suffering. 

I can think of million more things,  but that will do for now. To all Poppy and Honesty's  pixelated young mummies, you're doing a fabulous job. We are bringing out a new grown up range just for you guys, Why should the moppets have all the good stuff when we do the school run with rice crispies in our hair ?

Big love 

Sophie xxxx

PS. Some great Mummy bloggers to follow. Peter and Jane: hilarious, tells it like it is. The London Mummy: Treats for Mummies and kids.  Mother Pukka- championing flexible working for parents. 

 

When you're not feeling the sparkles

Sophie Lombardi

There's nothing quite like forced joviality to make you feel more rubbish if you are feeling really low. A number of years ago, I had crippling Post Natal Depression at Christmas. On receipt of a lovely, well wishing text suggesting that we would be having a wonderfully snuggly time with our gorgeous new babe, I smashed my phone against the wall (terribly counter productive, resulting in hours swearing in The Apple shop with a crying baby). The fact is, shit doesn't stop happening just because its Christmas. For plenty of people out there, it will be a challenging test of endurance rather than rocking around the Christmas tree wearing a paper hat at a jaunty angle. So, for those of you feeling really rubbish, this blog is for you.

If you haven't read 'Reasons To Stay Alive' by Matt Haig, please do. In fact, give it to everyone you know. It's a book about depression which isn't depressing, nor is it preachy or insistent that you follow some kind of radical regime that involves weird things like stuffing coffee enemas up your bum and refusing conventional treatment. Matt nails the experience with his deeply moving personal account of his battle with acute depression and anxiety. With the support of his great girlfriend and family, Matt finds his way through and learns to accept and even find meaning from his debilitating illness. His account is absolutely spot on. If you have ever struggled with your mental health, reading his book will be like listening to lyrics in your 'break up' soundtrack, his words feel so true. I particularly liked this passage: 

"If you have ever believed a depressive wants to be happy, you are wrong. They could not care less about the luxury of happiness. They just want to feel an absence of pain. To escape a mind on fire, where thoughts blaze and smoke like old possessions lost to arson. To be normal."

Matt tells us about his most frightening experiences, but doesn't dwell on them; instead he gives hope to the situation and reveals that depression has given him greater empathy and an ability to feel more in the world. The book isn't about well-being buzz words and Matt doesn't refer to a 'journey' unless he is actually going somewhere. If you're wondering whether or not this book is for you, it probably is. Whether you suffer mental from health issues, know someone going through this stuff or even if you just want to know more about the experience of being human and being alive, go and grab a copy.

If anyone reading this is going through a horrible time, I understand (and so does Matt). Christmas will be tough, but they'll be another one next year. I promise you that you will feel the sparkles again and they will be brighter and more sparkly than before. I  always think that the best experiences and moments in life are the ones that aren't scheduled. Lurid jumpers, awful shouty songs about how it should be christmas every bloody day and getting crushed in the shops can all be appreciated another time. 

 

Sophie xoxox

PS. All Matt Haig's books are total winners. I can highly recommend them all.

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